We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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