i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
