he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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