Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
