we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
