Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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