Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
