Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize