He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
