like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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