Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
