I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
