My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
