And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
