last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
