Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
