I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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