Please, let me fuck your mom
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
