This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
