Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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