Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
