I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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