I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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