drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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