But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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