He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
