Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
