I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
