I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize