My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
