i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I will be naked everywhere
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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