So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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