i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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