Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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