just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
