We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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