I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize