I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Panties = found
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
