Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
