Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
