'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
