Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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