I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
