Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
