its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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