What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
