We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
