don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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