making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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