Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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