we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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