I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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