a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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