This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
