so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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