is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You are a genius and a whore.
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