I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
