quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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