Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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