Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
