I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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