It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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