i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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