I must be too annoying 4 u.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
