oh fat girl friday strikes again...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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