I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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