thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
