My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
