you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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