Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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