Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
