I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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